Nicknames come about in different ways.
Some are obvious like Shorty or Freckles.
Some are ironic like Tiny for a big guy.
Some happen because of an event. Someone might be called Sieve because they let in a lot of goals in their sport, or Slugger because they hit a lot of home runs in baseball.
My mother’s nickname was Matie because she was a head nurse or matron in the hospitals she worked at.
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We all want what is best for our children.
We look out for their physical needs by giving them food, shelter, and clothing. If we can, we put them in extra-curricular activities like hockey, soccer, and gymnastics.
We take care of their intellectual needs by teaching them to read, helping with their homework, and ensuring that they get the best education possible. If we can, we put them in piano lessons, or have them learn a second language.
We also take care of their spiritual needs. This may come in different forms but for our family, there is only one form and that is having a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Continue readingYou’ve seen them. You know them.
They are screaming toddlers in stores; they don’t give up their seats to the elderly; they talk back rudely, and they are selfish and inconsiderate.
Who are they?
They are kids you don’t like. They come in every age, race, gender, and size. Every time you see them or interact with them, you’d like to take them outside and whip some sense into them. A stern talking to wouldn’t cut it. They need some form of punishment, something that will help them see the error of their ways.
Escaping the Future follows Escape to Goma in the life of Tola Matthews.
The day started like any other day.
About six months have passed since Tola fled with his Mom and two younger sisters from his village of Dlambona. They met up with his dad in the city of Lobani and made a new life for themselves.
Tola has since settled in a new school and is a star on the football team. He enjoys the competition and travelling by bus to different schools to compete.
One day, the team was on their way to Dembe for a football match and they never made it. Tola finds himself on the run again and this time the pursuers mean business. Tola will need more than his wits and intonga to save him.
The story is available on Amazon at https://amzn.to/41vPJPW
He took his own life on Father’s Day, seven years after his three children were murdered by a drunk driver.
I’m not going to cite the particulars of that fateful day. I just want to reveal some of my thoughts when I read about the death of this grieving father.
I’ve never had suicidal thoughts so I can’t relate to the sense of despair someone feels who has reached that point. Edward Lake said, at the driver’s sentencing hearing, that he had suffered from suicidal thoughts and intense anxiety since the crash.
I can only imagine.
My three children are grown and married and I have two grandkids. All are healthy and independent and I am proud of the adults they have become. I was at their recitals, games, and plays. We enjoyed vacations together, family game nights, and Christmases. There were good times, bad times, stressful times, and fun times.
It was life in a family.
Edward Lake’s children were 9, 5, and 2 years old. He had been a father for nine years. That was part of his identity, his reason for living, his purpose.
And it was taken from him in the cruelest of ways.
Gone are the dreams he had for his children. Gone are the laughter, the shrieks of joy, or the sounds of children playing. Gone are the hugs that only children can give. Gone are the only people that believe that daddy is the strongest and smartest person alive.
The drunk driver came from a billionaire family. The family does good work in the city and had its name on some hospital wards. He was returning from a bachelor party and could have Ubered or taken a helicopter to his home.
Instead, he chose to drive and his actions destroyed a family.
He was sentenced to 10 years in prison but was paroled after 7 years. There are conditions on his parole but essentially he is a free man.
Edward Lake’s children would have been 16, 12, and 9 years of age. Father’s Day came and Edward Lake couldn’t take it anymore. The idea that the killer of his children had paid his debt to society, and was being set free was more than he could bear. His children were never coming back.
I wonder if he was getting the help he needed.
Men have this false notion that they need to be strong and be that shoulder to lean on or cry on. In the meantime, they suffer in silence and don’t talk about what they are going through.
Women are quicker to share their feelings. Jennifer Neville-Lake, the mother of the three children, has shared her grief on TV, giving interviews and keeping their story alive. I wouldn’t be surprised if she sought counsel and comfort from other family and friends. We didn’t see much of or hear from Edward Lake at all.
And now we never will.
Many people believe that suicide is the coward’s way out. Instead of ‘manning up’ and facing their troubles head-on, they take the ‘easy’ way out.
I prefer to walk in someone’s shoes before making that call. As a father, I pray that I never have to walk in Edward Lake’s shoes.
For me, my relationship with Jesus is what gets me through my struggles. I have bible verses that I lean on.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 6-7, NKJV).
The above verse teaches us that in order to guard our hearts and minds, in order to keep those thoughts of self-harm and suicide in captivity:
If you do this, you will have peace that surpasses all understanding. People will wonder how you can be at such peace when going through whatever it is that you’re going through.
When I lost my grandmother, the woman who raised me in the early part of my life, Psalm 23 gave me peace.
It is not good to suffer alone. Hopefully, you have family around you or access to counseling services near you.
Edward Lake saw joining his kids as the only way to stop the pain. It is my prayer that people seek options that include the preservation of life. Taking your life adds grief to those you leave behind.
I wrote this fictional story some time ago.
This is the fifth installment in the series, ‘You Are a Father, so Act Like One.’
But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. And he said to him, ‘Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?’ And he was speechless. Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. (Matt 22: 11-13a ESV)
Jesus tells the above parable to indicate that there was someone at a wedding who wasn’t worthy of being there. He somehow managed to get in without a wedding garment. As a result of that, he was thrown out. He was not considered worthy to be there.
Continue readingThis is the fourth installment in the series, ‘You Are a Father, so Act Like One.’
This should have been an earlier installment but so be it. I’m learning as I write.
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Your baby is born. It is official.
You spent nine months planning, contemplating, and crying. You’ve wondered if you’ll be a good father, if you’ll raise good kids or will they turn out to be monsters.
Time’s up. Your son or daughter is here. Where do you begin?
Answer: At the beginning.
Continue readingThis is the third installment in the series, ‘You Are a Father so Act Like One.‘
Every child is different.
They are born from the same parents; raised in the same home; went to the same schools, and ate the same food, but it doesn’t matter. Personalities are not dependent on those things. They are who they are.
I have two daughters and growing up, they were quite different from each other. We were really blessed that none of our children gave us too much trouble but one daughter pushed the boundaries more than the other.
Continue readingThis is the second installment in the series, ‘You Are a Father so Act Like One‘.
God is wise.
When he made it so that you needed two people to make a child, he knew what he was doing. Single parenting is difficult. This article from moms.com gives a comparative take growing up with two parents vs one parent.
I believe that if men could somehow produce children on their own, by some single cell process, it would be the end of humanity. But I digress.
Continue readingThis is the first installment in the series ‘You Are a Father so Act Like One’.
When my wife told me that she was pregnant I wasn’t ready. The main reason is that she was my girlfriend, not my wife, at the time. Yes, I am old-fashioned. Neither of us thought of being parents any time soon.
However, all things going well, I was going to be a father in 9 months. I had to acknowledge that fact and act accordingly.
I had to consider the life of the child.
Continue readingI’m starting a new series.
I’m sure that you can guess what it’s all about from the title above. I believe that there is no greater duty for a man than to be the best Dad that they can be. There are many factors to what that means, and not all factors apply to everyone.
But some do.
Continue readingMost of the time, the passage of time is routine.
On a daily basis, we go to work, get home and have supper; then we might sit and watch TV. We might discuss our day with our significant other.
If we’re blessed enough to have kids, we help them with their homework. If we can.
Everyone’s routine is different. The point is that not much changes from day to day.
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This poem was inspired by one of my favourite chapters in the Bible, John 15. I thought of it as I was raking the lawn. Enjoy.
I came upon a fallen branch
its leaf so green and fair
a gale is what did cause its fall
the vine it left stands near
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this but your baby has no heartbeat.”
I thought I was strong. I was a hockey fighter, I didn’t cry when Bambi’s mom died, and I had a tooth pulled without novocaine. But those fourteen words announced by the radiologist, five long agonizing minutes after the ultrasound technician had mumbled ominously “Wait here, the doctor will be in to discuss your results,” revealed otherwise.
Continue readingI don’t remember which year this was written or how old Mandisa was when she wrote this. I just remember feeling touched, joyful, proud, and thankful.
I am not a buy-a-card guy. Cards are way too expensive and while you may find one that meets your requirements, they still aren’t your words. They’re someone else’s words.
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