This is the first installment in the series ‘You Are a Father so Act Like One’.

When my wife told me that she was pregnant I wasn’t ready. The main reason is that she was my girlfriend, not my wife, at the time. Yes, I am old-fashioned. Neither of us thought of being parents any time soon.

However, all things going well, I was going to be a father in 9 months. I had to acknowledge that fact and act accordingly.

I had to consider the life of the child.

Acknowledgment is always the first step in moving forward whether it’s addiction recovery or from failure to success. It causes a shift in how you think and therefore how you act. Every action starts in the mind.

Acknowledging that you are a father may seem self-evident. You are one whether you like it or not. The problem is that there are plenty of men who know they are but refuse to act accordingly. I’m not saying that if you’re not married, you should get married. I’m saying that whether you’re married or not, things have to change.

In my case, nine months later, my girlfriend is my wife and I am a Dad.

What did acknowledging that I am a dad do?

1. It gave me purpose. It took the focus off me and onto my daughter. I had someone who was depending on me for their very survival. The reason I went to work to earn a paycheck wasn’t just about paying bills and partying three days a week. I had another mouth to feed and clothe.
2. It gave me responsibility. My money wasn’t mine anymore. My time wasn’t mine anymore. I had to make changes to my lifestyle and looking back, it was for the better. I hate to think about where my life would have been had I continued on the trajectory I was on.
3. It gave me duty. It became my duty to provide and protect and teach and counsel and discipline and entertain. I didn’t have a choice.
4. It gave me faith. If you want to be more like Jesus, become a dad. It truly is the best way to develop the fruits of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control;
   Trust me. If you want to be more patient and develop self-control, be a dad. If you want to experience more love and joy, be a dad.

Acknowledging that you’re a dad is the first step.

What would I have missed had I not acknowledged and embraced fatherhood?

That surprise announcement from my girlfriend produced a beautiful baby girl, Thandiwe. Thandi is now married and has given us two grandchildren, Dakota and Rosalie.

The announcement produced another beautiful baby girl, Mandisa. She is married and will start a family someday.

We also have a handsome son, Themba who is also married and has pledged to add to the family.

Oh, and that woman who gave me that surprise announcement? Her name is Kristen and we’ve been married for twenty-seven and a half years.

Conclusion

Now strap in. Buckle up. It’s going to be a fun and bumpy ride. But know this from a dad of 27 years. It is worth the drama.

As I write this, I want to acknowledge that fatherhood can bring tragedies that I know nothing about. My struggles with my children were a cakewalk to maneuver compared to what some of you went through or are going through or will go through. I don’t want to be insensitive to that fact. I hope that you have the support that you need.

If you would like to share some of that here, please do. Someone may be helped by sharing how you overcame your struggles.

However, I am not a medical professional. I’m a dad. My hope is that this series helps someone in their dad walk.

My experience is my experience. That’s all I have to give.