This is the third installment in the series, ‘You Are a Father so Act Like One.‘

Every child is different.
They are born from the same parents; raised in the same home; went to the same schools, and ate the same food, but it doesn’t matter. Personalities are not dependent on those things. They are who they are.

I have two daughters and growing up, they were quite different from each other. We were really blessed that none of our children gave us too much trouble but one daughter pushed the boundaries more than the other.

We looked at discipline as a way to change behaviour. Children have to know that what they did wrong has consequences and once the punishment has been meted out, the hope is that the behaviour would not be repeated.

Some kids need a spanking to get the point across. I know that many of you object to that but I’m not talking about a beating or inflicting major pain. What I would do is have them put their hand out and give it one light slap.

For other kids, just a harsh talking-to would bring out tears of remorse. With this, you do have to be careful because kids are smart. If they realize that no punishment will ensue if they bawl and apologize, then they will do it every time a punishment is warranted. Follow through with the punishment regardless of tears.

Thankfully, this didn’t happen in my case.

The case of two daughters
Daughter 1 was more rebellious. Actually, I’ll say she was more daring. She was willing to push boundaries more so than daughter 2. I won’t say here what she got caught doing but suffice it to say she tried. I’m sure there were things we never knew about. All I can say is, and I say this regarding all our kids, thank God we never got a call from the police or hospital. As an aside, we did get a call from the school but that’s another story.

Daughter 2 hardly gave us any problems. She reminded me of me. Of my parents’ 5 kids, I gave them the least grief. Not because I was any better than my siblings. I was more afraid of my parents and didn’t want to disappoint them. I didn’t like it when they were angry with me and did my best to minimize that. I did cry when spoken to harshly, not because I was going to be punished, but because I was sorry I had disappointed them. I remember one time my mother said to me that she ‘was surprised that I had done what I did. I was not the child that she would have expected it from.’ I don’t remember what I did but I remember tearing up.

I said in the title that you shouldn’t treat the kids equally. What do I mean by that?

Not all forms of punishment are created equal. Sending daughter 1 to her room wouldn’t have been a deterrent for her. She spent much of her time there anyway. What was more effective was denying time with friends or taking away her cellphone for a time.

Daughter 2 would find room assignment unwelcome. While she also spent time there she would rather it was on her own terms than ours. But as I said before, it was hardly required.

Treating them fairly means if you’re going to punish one for disobedience, say, then you have to punish the other. The punishments don’t have to be the same but that they are punished does.

I’ve spoken mainly about a negative event, i.e punishment. But the same applies to something positive, like ‘encouragement’. All I needed from my parents was “I’m so proud of you.” For others, something tangible, like a trip to get ice cream, would suffice. I don’t recommend money because tying money to good behaviour or results can become problematic. Money isn’t always available but words of affirmation are.

Conclusion.

Know your children. Know what makes them tick, what they like or dislike, and act accordingly. A loving parent’s ultimate goal is to raise moral, independent children and to help them achieve their goals and dreams.

To that end, each child will need different techniques. Find out what works for each child and do that. It will give them the best chance for success.

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I hoped that this series would elicit responses from readers. Please leave comments, whether you agree or disagree. Maybe you have an insight that I haven’t considered.

If you had a great dad, please add something that you are grateful for, or on the flipside something you wish you got from your dad.

If you’re a dad, share something. If you’re a wife, share something about your husband with your kids.

I appreciate all of you who read these articles. Thank you very much. I would also appreciate your thoughts.